EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with Derek Jeter - Baseball's First 3,000/2,000/1,000 Man

Derek Jeter, the suave Yankee shortstop who is equally smooth on and off the field, is poised to become the first member of the exclusive 3000/2000/1000 club. That’s 3,000 hits, 2,000 games, and 1,000 actresses and models dated. Jeter’s professional and private collection of conquests is the envy of all of baseball. But for us journalists, covering the Captain is frustrating, because he always picks his words so carefully, has just the right thing to say in every situation, and rarely discusses his private life – until now. In recognition of He Spoofs He Scores’ unparalleled track record of quality sports reporting and journalistic integrity, the Yankees gave us permission to submit 20 questions to Jeter - 10 about baseball and 10 regarding his social life, for a special piece we would run on the occasion of his 3,000th hit. The result? Incredibly, Jeter provided the EXACT SAME ANSWERS for each set of ten questions. Here is the full interview below:

HS: Some people suspect you will eventually transition from a day-to-day shortstop into a DH role – do you see that ever happening?

HS: Some people suspect you will eventually get married – do you see that ever happening?

DJ: I plan to continue to play the field for as long as I can.

HS: In one word, what is your goal for a baseball season?

HS: In one word, how will you want people to describe your future wife?

DJ: Trophy.

HS: When you first came up to the big leagues, were there certain pitches that you had trouble with?

HS: When you first came up to the big leagues, you dated Mariah Carey – how did she get your attention?

DJ: Curves and high pitches.

HS: During 2001 you tore up the league – what do you recall about your doubles/home runs/stolen base stats that season?

HS: During 2001 you tore up the dance floor with Miss Universe, Lara Dutta - what do you recall about her?

DJ: 35-21-27

HS: Where do you feel most comfortable on the baseball diamond?

HS: What are your expectations on a first date?

DJ: Between second and third base.

HS: Another member of the 3,000 hit club, Rafael Palmeiro, was suspended by Major League Baseball for using steroids. Do you think you will ever have to answer questions about steroid use?

HS: Another member of the 3,000 hit club, Rafael Palmeiro, has been a spokesman for Viagra. Would you ever use your sex-symbol status to be a Viagra pitchman?

DJ: No, because I’ve never needed to take any drugs to enhance my performance.

HS: What characteristics of your swing do you pay most attention to when you’re at the plate?

HS: What characteristics of your date do you pay most attention to when you’re swingin’ at the club?

DJ: Footwork and good hip rotation.

HS: Since Alex Rodriguez joined the Yankees, what aspect of your hitting approach have you most modeled after his?

HS: Since Alex Rodriguez joined the Yankees, what aspect of his approach have you most used when dating models?

DJ: Alex is an aggressive swinger, and I’ve tried to be more like that.

HS: When you’re speeding around the bases, what’s going through your mind?

HS: When you’re at a party surrounded by beautiful women, what’s going through your mind?

DJ: All I’m thinking about is just trying to score.

HS: This past winter you had some tense contract negotiations with the Yankees. How do you feel about your new deal?

HS: Why do you think singers, actresses and beauty queens find you so attractive?

DJ: I am confident that I have a nice package.

Thanks Derek, and special thanks to the Yankees for giving us this unprecedented access.